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Welcome back to Spin Cycle! Escape Collective’s news digest.
Well, not much going on at the Vuelta a España, is there? Just a spot of team time trialling in the dark (not a Bruce Springsteen song, but we’re sure there’s a pun in there…somewhere…), Jonas Vingegaard, Remco Evenepoel and a bunch of others audition for the title of the peloton’s new patron, with Evenepoel also having time for a slapstick-but-actually-how-do-these-things-happen crash post-victory, and a police-thwarted plan to douse the route with hundreds of litres of oil. And then, silently in the background, unnoticed by many, the Renewi Tour had a full-on mutiny until the race organisers finally agreed to neutralise the finish of the final stage for the GC.
Madness. The sort of late-summer fever dream that always tends to crop up. The haze of the Tour de France now a distant memory before cycling fans basically completely dissociate by the time the Tour of Guangxi rolls around. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
*Deep sigh*
Remco Evenepoel has had quite the Vuelta a España already, and it’s only stage 4! His stage 1 finish line reaction to the aerial darkness, gesturing somewhat impertinently up to the skies above, revealed the sassy icon that is always lurking just below the surface.
On day two he wasn’t quite done, with Het Nieuwsblad overhearing Evenepoel being told after the end of the stage that he had to go to doping control, whereupon the defending champion let out a “deep sigh” and replied: ““No…you test me three times a week…”
Of course, Evenepoel had to comply and was then whisked away by the team car. Meanwhile, the entire circus of the Belgian cycling media was left pretty much quote-less for the day. Which is probably why we’re getting reporting on the depth of the 23-year-old’s sighs.
Oh, you thought we were done? There’s more! But you’ll have to read on. Can’t have too much of a good thing all at once.
Oil see you in court
While the opening of the Spanish Grand Tour has been quite manic, it could have been much worse had the police not thwarted a group of people who plotted to pour 400 litres of oil over the route on Monday.
A video posted by Spanish national police shows a hose apparently connected to two drums containing the liquid, with the nozzle dangling out over the bridge and down onto the road.
The four arrested suspects had planned to disrupt the third stage to Andorra, but were caught by police officers in a ‘wooded area’. Presumably, a wood.
The men (we can almost guarantee they were men) have been provisionally released but banned from coming within 500 metres of any of the Vuelta stages to come. That’s justice, Spanish-style.
Bus-ted up
What’s the pathetic fallacy equivalent of bus-based omens? At the Tour de France, we incorrectly predicted that Jumbo-Visma’s hubristic, gold-plated vehicle would prove to be their downfall, but Jonas Vingegaard stomped all over Tadej Pogačar’s delicate little dreams and then got back on his big gold bus and (probably) called his wife up for the billionth time that day.
At the Vuelta, however, where the Dutch team are attempting to tie up their clean sweep of Grand Tour victories this calendar year, their bus driver reversed into a tree and a big chunk of it fell off.
Naturally, this means that rather than symbolising the clunking to a halt of the bumblebee-coloured cycling machine, either Vingegaard or Primož Roglič will destroy the competition and resort to riding straight past the paddock after each day’s stage and undertaking the transfers themselves. That might level up the playing field a touch, unless Remco Evenepoel can look to restrict his dramas to way under an average of one per day.
As well as a busted bus to contend with, Jumbo-Visma’s German youngster Michel Hessman, who tested positive for a diuretic the other week, has now had his house searched and “data carriers” have been seized – which we can only assume in normal people speak means computers and phones. No doping substances were found. To be honest, if doping substances had been found you’d have to ask Hessman what the hell he’d been so busy with that he didn’t get around to flushing them during the past fortnight.
“The preliminary investigation focuses exclusively on [Hessman] and not on others,” says the Public Prosecution Service in Germany, reported by NOS. “Whether this will lead to criminal prosecution [doping is a crime in Germany] is still open and depends on the investigation results. The suspect will be heard before a final judgment follows. It is up to him to prove his innocence.”
If the 22-year-old is innocent, we hope he has his name cleared and his life hasn’t been too ruined by this whole thing – it’s hard not to feel for what he must be going through right now. On the other hand, if he has got something to hide, we can only hope he didn’t see the light touch of the Jumbo-Visma bus driver and think that that may solve the problem of any, interesting, let’s say, messages on any of his devices.
Feed Zone ?
? The German 62-year-old who fled the scene after hitting and killing Davide Rebellin last year has been arrested and is now in pre-trial detention, with German authorities needing to decide whether to extradite him to Italy. The man already has two previous motor offences in Italy. A non-fatal hit and run in 2001, where his sentence was overturned due to the statute of limitations, before a DUI charge in 2014.
? Wout van Aert won his first-ever gravel race by nine minutes and is now turning his attention to the upcoming Gravel World Championships. (Hear that? That’s the uncontrollable sobbing of a few dozen recently retired road pros turned gravel privateers).
? Karlijn Swinkels will move from Jumbo-Visma to UAE Team ADQ next season.
? Despite Cecilie Uttrup Ludwig’s final stage heroics, she missed out on overhauling Annemiek van Vleuten’s general classification lead by just two seconds at the Tour of Scandinavia.
? Oscar Onley (dsm-Firmenich) crashed out of the Vuelta a España on stage 2 and has been diagnosed with a broken collarbone. His fellow Brit Fred Wright has also had his suspected collarbone break confirmed following the 24-year-old’s crash at the Renewi Tour.
✊ The last 5 km of the final stage of the Renewi Tour was neutralised for the general classification following a strike mid-race by the peloton due to safety concerns with a tight and technical course. This left Matej Mohorič (Bahrain-Victorious) disappointed as despite winning the stage he was unable to contest the overall victory, which was claimed by Tim Wellens (UAE Team Emirates).
? Marianne Vos (Jumbo-Visma) has undergone surgery on her femoral artery this week, meaning that her season is over and a long rehab awaits. “I had been suffering from pain and a lack of strength in my left leg for a long time,” she said. “This season the complaints have gotten worse and I couldn’t get over it.”
?? The Mexican winner of the Tour de l’Avenir, Isaac Del Toro, pulled off a coup to come from a minute behind American Matthew Riccitello and take the overall victory. The Tour de Tietema-Unibet squad were apparently after his signature before the start of the stage race, reports Raúl Banqueri, as were Caja Rural, but now UAE Team Emirates have made contact and could scoop the 19-year-old up.
? Lotto Dstny will swap out their Ridley bikes for Orbea next season, the team confirming the move and saying it is a financial decision.
?? Meanwhile, Caleb Ewan’s manager, Jason Bakker, dismissed rumours reported by Het Laatste Nieuws that the Australian sprinter was considering an early retirement given his uncertain future following a falling out with Lotto Dstny. “Absolutely not,” Bakker told Het Nieuwsblad. “100 percent: no. Those are fabrications. There are always teams interested in Caleb. The question is rather whether we are seriously considering leaving or not.”
? Primož Roglič is still suffering from his crash on stage 2 of the Vuelta, although he is hopeful that his condition will continue to improve and he should be fine in a few days.
? Eduardo Sépulveda is the first-ever Argentinian to lead a Grand Tour jersey competition, picking up the Vuelta’s blue polka dot jersey after spending stage 4 up the road to to take enough points to move clear of being tied with Remco Evenepoel from the day before and spending his day in the break wearing the jersey on behalf of the Belgian race leader.
?? The Spanish riders Gorka Izagirre (Movistar) and Javier Romo (Astana-Qazaqstan) are apparently both off to Cofidis next year, according to Marca.
Cycling on TV ?
Wednesday 30th
Vuelta a España, Stage 5
GCN+ (08:30-12:00 ET/13:30-17:00 BST/22:30-05:05 AEST)
Thursday 31st
Vuelta a España, Stage 6
GCN+ (08:30-12:00 ET/13:30-17:00 BST/22:30-05:05 AEST)
Friday 1st
Vuelta a España, Stage 7
GCN+ (08:30-12:00 ET/13:30-17:00 BST/22:30-05:05 AEST)
? TMI quote of the week ?
“It’s a bit breaking my balls now”
In the aftermath of his crash, his head having been spliced open and the red stuff pouring freely before getting patched up to sit down for his TV interview, Remco Evenepoel’s blood was clearly still running hot.
“It was only 50 metres after the finish line,” he said of how poorly arranged the deviation after the finish was, “it’s already the third day in the row,” he continued of the triptych acts of mischief created by the cycling gods that have seemingly conspired to betray him. But for Evenepoel, it’s only “a bit” breaking his metaphorical balls. Firstly, riders who still use profanities in front of the media even though they’re absolutely not supposed to get a big tick from us. Secondly, we are big fans of second-language idioms, especially when phrased ever-so-slightly incorrectly, inadvertently making them more amusing.
And finally…
Here’s a visual representation of how the Vuelta organisers hope the rest of the race proceeds. We won’t be holding our breath.
Corrections corner ?
Thanks to a number of vastly more knowledgeable and responsible people in the comments section of Friday’s newsletter, we can tell you categorically that the way Tom Pidcock jumped off that boat was big dumb dumb and do not under any circumstances replicate his actions.
We also, to our great shame, accidentally left some edit notes in the website version’s TV Guide on Friday. A big ‘CHECK THIS’ next to the final two stages of the Tour de l’Avenir as we tried to figure out whether the stage had a ‘b’ next to it, or whether it was a different number to what we had thought. The error was there every time we closed our eyes for a few days after the fact last week. There is nothing to be done about it now.
? Send us yer laundry pics ?
“I have here a photo of my apartment building’s laundry room or tvättstuga as it would be called here in Sweden,” James Marcaccio writes, attaching today’s laundry background image.
“It’s just two washers and two tumble dryers for the building plus the drying cabinet or torkskåp which is pretty ideal for cycling kit and wet shoes. We have a fun board outside the room labelled 1 to 31 with keyholes and numbered locks (also pictured); you book your laundry time in advance by placing your lock in the appropriately timed keyhole. It’s bad form to take someone’s tvättstugetid, and your laundry time is important enough that people use it as an excuse to get out of conversations they don’t want to be in.”
Sounds ideal, here’s a photo of the board for reference.
As always, we are accepting your own laundry photos (especially ones with the doors open so we can Photoshop riders inside the drum) to star in Spin Cycle. Either send them via the Discord or shoot me an email: [email protected]
Until next time …
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