INTERNAL USE ONLY
Att: existing bike fleet
In an effort to nip disharmony in the bud and address some persistent rumours that have been circulating in the garage, I am today confirming reports that my mind has strayed to a new bike. As such, I would like to offer some additional perspective on the factors that have led to this point in our mutual journey.
As you are aware, there are seven existing bicycles in the garage, spanning a broad swathe of the cycling continuum. I seek to reassure you each of your ongoing relevance to my needs going forward – there will always be a requirement for a cargo trike, a mountain bike, a pure road bike, a gravel bike capable of accommodating two wheel-sizes, a folding bike, a singlespeed, and a CX frankenbike. However, faced with headwinds both literal and metaphorical, and following a period of close consultation with a number of stakeholders – chiefly the devils and angels on my shoulder – I have been forced to concede the need for greater optimisation through broadening the fleet.
From your perspective as bicycles – most finding your intrinsic purpose when actively ridden – I recognise this news may be seen as an existential threat. However, I have become increasingly invested in the idea that I need to segment my cycling needs into ever-narrower, more specifically-tailored slices. As such, for my urban cycling needs it is no longer acceptable to merely have an old single-speed with a basket and an old CX bike with a front rack and an old folding bike. I have convinced myself that I also need an old rigid mountain bike or hybrid type thing that does essentially the same thing as all of the above, but slightly differently.
To preempt some of your grievances in turn:
- To my single-speed: I recognise the many years of faithful service you have provided and your willingness to adapt to new challenges [ie. moving somewhere hilly] by accommodating a two-speed kick-back hub. Unfortunately, I am at a stage in my life where I need both wider tyres and more gears than you can offer. You remain an integral part of my cycling journey despite these facts, and I assure you of my continued intention to dust you off and pump up your tyres and then hang you up again every six months (/as necessary).
- To the shitty old folding bike I found on the side of the street: You spark joy when I remember to ride you, which is not often enough. I am working on incorporating you into a narrower use case in my riding; namely rides involving a pub (and/or other licensed premises) within three kilometres of home or a train journey and less than five minutes riding at the other end or when bike theft is a very real, maybe even enticing, possibility.
- To my old CAADX: This may be cold comfort, but I simply like you too much to risk you being my primary gig-going bike or pub bike. Furthermore, I trust that you will understand that sometimes I just don’t want to wear SPD shoes – even though I’ve found some happiness in Velosambas – and that sometimes I want to cruise insufferably with a big open shirt flapping in the breeze rather than honking along on drop bars like a sports boi.
So where does that leave us? If you’ll refer to slide 4 of the attached PowerPoint presentation, I have identified the gap in the garage and provided a relevant position description:
In the current landscape, I recognise that this increasing segmentation risks being identified by critical observers as ‘self-indulgent’ or ‘hoarding’. I would counter that any bike rider can likely recognise elements of this internal struggle: the desire to have the perfect tool for a given task, even if that task is to ride said tool for distances greater than 3 km but less than 10 km; take it on the train sometimes; leave it locked up somewhere of intermediate- to advanced-level sketchiness; or, simply, just for the shits and giggles of working on a project in the garage for a night or two, and at the end of it, going “hmm, yes that is another bike that I own”.
I assure you that when a suitable candidate is identified, I will work to integrate it with existing team members and ensure that all relevant parties retain a sense of purpose as we prepare to enter an exciting new eight-bicycled era. As ever, our internal north star remains ultimate stakeholder satisfaction via the medium of bicycle cycling.
If you wish to discuss this any further, my door is always open. Thank you for your continued service.
Regards,
Iain
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