Over these past couple of Tours de France as Escape Collective, a central tenet of our Tour Daily podcast has been to bring you as close to the race as possible, as if you were in the car with us hurtling (legally) between stages starts and finishes, or at dinner with us chewing over the day’s events.
It has also, at Iain Treloar’s instigation, become something of an annual ‘friendship Tour’, whereby we slowly build friendships and professional relationships with characters from across the Tour ecosphere and then introduce them to you.
It was pointed out to us recently by Paul on Discord that passing references without explanation to relative deep cuts of Tour de France lore may prove fairly impenetrable to new listeners. Therefore, during one of the long stage transfers of this second week, we made a list of every in-joke or reference from what we are calling ‘The Tour Daily Cinematic Universe’.
This will be a list that morphs and evolves over time, but should serve to either bring you up to speed so that you are completely along for the ride, or for longer-term listeners who maybe want a refresher or to reminisce, it’s all here for whenever you desire/require. Suggestions, as always, are welcome in the comments section.
Concepts
After Dark
The bonus, members-only section of the podcast (that happens after the main recording and is automatically included in the members-only edition of the podcast) that is a looser, no-holds-barred version of the main show where the masks slip and we tell you what’s really going on because we’re in the Trust Tree.
“Race is Race, Was Like Was”
Peter Sagan said this at a press conference at some point. Don’t know when. Don’t know where. This was his response to a question asking him to analyse a race that had literally just happened. We love Peter Sagan.
ASO
Amaury Sport Organisation, the organisation that owns and run the Tour de France. They all wear different colours of polo shirts to designate their status and role. They all wear beige chino trousers no matter the weather. Once a week they are allowed to wear civilian clothes and it’s like seeing your teacher at the grocery stores. Iain once saw the Amaury family on a small plane to Bilbao and they looked about how you imagine a family of French multimillionaires would look.
ASO phone numbers
The thing you have to know about the ASO company phones is that they are handed down to junior employees whenever one of them moves on to greener pastures. Friend of the podcast Pierre Muglach’s replacement (and beneficiary of Pierre’s phone) told us in April she would be working with us a lot. We have never heard from her again.
Milky Boi
A new addition to the Senseo coffee range that incorporates a powdered milk, thus making it more palatable than the normal orc juice. It is served scalding hot every time.
The Tour de France caravan
The promotional floats of the Tour de France’s sponsors travel ahead of the race flinging keyrings, soap, Senseo packets, wedges of cheese and pencils at the children and elderly people who line the streets waiting to get their greasy mitts on some freebies. Lots of people only come out for the caravan, and then stick around for the race because why not. The entire procession is absolute chaos.
Maillot Sable
Sable, the French word for sand (as in the sand of an hourglass). A jersey invented by Rupert Guinness which is awarded to the rider closest to exactly one hour behind the leader of the GC, but crucially, has to be over an hour. Most mornings we interview the Maillot Sable to ask how big of an honour it is to wear it and whether they will fight for the jersey until the bitter end of the race.
Safety Jogger
A sponsor of Soudal-Quick Step. They produce unattractive, industrial footwear for those times when you need steel toe caps in an office shoe that makes you want to claw your eyes out.
Friends
Pierre Muglach
Former junior ASO media handler, a dear friend of the podcast, always willing to put up with our bullshit, is now press officer for Decathlon-Ag2r La Mondiale. Has a wonderful moustache, a winning smile, and once saw Jonny’s nipples at 6am in a Tokyo capsule hotel.
Christophe Morel
Not a character from a Dickens novel, but an ASO media handler, previously Pierre Muglach’s best friend. He smokes a cigarette like he is very cross with it. Tall and slender. Now has to deal with our bullshit now that Pierre is gone. Not sure if he likes us that much, but we are very into him.
Luke Maguire/Larrikin Luke
The UAE Team Emirates press officer/Pogačar whisperer. He is Irish, he is a friend of the podcast. Seems to at least get (or tolerate) our bullshit, as long as we don’t ask any direct questions about sportswashing. This is a very smart move on his part.
Jacob Kennison/Love Island Jacob
One of the Lidl-Trek press officers, who also tolerates us. He once watched Love Island (a British reality dating show) and it stuck with him forever. Ronan didn’t realise he was British and thought his name was pronounced Yakob. He is a company man, but don’t hold that against him. Also was once chucked into a hotel pool by Mads Pedersen and tried to prank us by pretending he was arrested by the French police.
Amy Cameron
The one who actually does all the work at the Lidl-Trek press office while Jacob is swanning off to Glastonbury. Internally known as ‘Boss Bitch’ within the team. Not from Glasgow.
The Photographers
Harry (New Zealand), Zac (Perth) and Chris (dour Geordie). Zac was winner of Tour Daily Best Friend at the 2023 Tour.
Joshua Robinson of the Wall Street Journal (#JRofWSJ)
Friend of the podcast, often on the show when he’s not covering bigger and more relevant sports. Brings a gravitas to the podcast that we didn’t know we needed. Speaks fluent French (/is French) and therefore often rescues us from sticky and confusing situations. Has high culinary standards. Never EVER wears shorts. Good at accents.
Rosh Jobinson
Playwright, auteur, philanthropist. Not, in any way whatsoever, even remotely connected to Joshua Robinson of the Wall Street Journal.
People
David Gaudu
Iain once watched him snog his girlfriend outside the team bus in a car park with no care that there were lots of people around. They were both inside each others shirts. He is now referred to as ‘Big Snogger’. Was once the Great French GC Hope.
Victor Lafay
After Victor Lafay won his Tour stage in 2023, and not knowing much about him, we decided he looked like a 13th century soldier guarding a castle who gets shot through the neck with an arrow as the enemy begins their assault.
Sickly Boy Prince (SBP)
If Jonas Vingegaard lived in the 13th century, he would be the sickly boy prince character.
Alexander Kristoff AKA Big Boi Kristoi AKA The Stavanger Stallion
Iain is possibly the world’s pre-eminent expert on Alexander Kristoff lore. Kristoff has: four matching sons, three silly cars, one beautiful home in Stavanger (where Iain’s wife’s family is from), one mid-Tour birthday per year, and once had a rat fall on his head at the 2015 Tour of Oman. Kristoff is both delighted and horrified by Iain’s interest in him in equal measure.
Mathieu Burgaudeau (AKA Burga Boi)
Daring rouleur from TotalEnergies who looks improbably like Julian Alaphilippe. Deeply French, very shy and sweet, and a huge fan of his local potatoes, which are the most expensive in the world.
Fred Wright
We decided he has size 44.5 feet (probably), after we once had to take photos of his shoes for Ronan. Jonny’s favourite interviewee, Fred has not yet taken out a restraining order.
The Horny Students of the Caravan
A poorly paid summer job that involves heatstroke and five hours of dancing every day requires two things: drugs and non-monetary benefits, which plainly is a bunch of hot young French people cavorting around their country for three weeks partying and passing STDs around like the Haribo they are employed to actually pass around.
The King of France
At the end of the 2022 Tour de France Roubaix stage, Ben O’Connor shouted at Warren Barguil that he wasn’t the King of France. We still to this day do not know what happened between them. Also known as WaWa, once wore an enormous baseball cap that looked like his dad had put it on his head.
Wielerflits
A Dutch cycling news website that writes news stories so fast we don’t know how they do it. They will write anything and everything and take their jobs very seriously. We are in awe and also fear them.
Cees Bol
His name sounds like Cheese Bowl, and is, in fact, directly translated to Cheese Bowl. It is fun if you pretend you are an American sports fan and chant LET’S GO CHEESE BOWL. Dutch lead-out rider for Astana Qazaqstan.
Dani Martínez
Looks like a street magician with his facial hair. Turns out he’s a really nice and thoughtful bloke. Formerly of Ineos-Grenadiers, now rides for Red Bull-Bora Hansgrohe.
Bora Bois
Riders for Red Bull-Bora Hansgrohe.
Tom Pidcock
Forgets to wear sunscreen, eats a lot of garlic, spicy quote machine, often accuses the best riders in the race of playing with his balls. We think he maybe listened to the podcast literally one time but won’t admit it.
Ineos Grenadiers
Built on purpose. Used to be good, now not. They are unhelpful to the press, partially probably because we are sometimes a bit mean about them. But they kind of deserve it.
Yves Lampaert
Son of a farmer, loves tractors, loves his Safety Jogger shoes. Gentle soul, member of Soudal-QuickStep.
Grischa Niermann
Croaky-voiced German with gelled hair and a shark tooth necklace. DS for Visma-Lease a Bike. Key quote: “You’re a fucking motorbike Wout, you’re a fucking motorbike.”
Wout van Aert
A motorbike. Has a massive kitchen. Is big in real life. Co-owns a candle company. Sorry, luxury candle company.
Compass Man
Caley Fretz’s alter ego. Has an innate sense of cardinal direction. Can look at any mountain and tell us which side the snow melts on.
Places
Pau
Small town on the edge of the Pyrenees, often frequented by the Tour for rest days and/or doping scandals. Caley and Iain buy sneakers there every year and squabble over who wore it best. Has a Mexican restaurant on the edge of town with squirrels that shit on you and the waitress doesn’t care and says that it’s good luck. There’s another Mexican restaurant in town that Greg Lemond used to frequent. It’s all Pau to us.
Clermy-F AKA Clermont-Ferrand
A city previously assumed to be a nothing-y afterthought, the armpit of France. Turns out, quite a nice place! Scary huge black cathedral, good restaurants and bars, a great Airbnb featuring an exquisite CD collection that encompasses Caley and Iain’s coming-of-age era. Our favourite place on the 2023 route.
The Tour de France press room
Often in a public gymnasium, always really hot. There’s a press buffet every day with local produce but somehow it’s always meat, cheese and bread. There are complimentary drinks provided by the beverage partners of the Tour: Vittel (soapy water), Senseo (bitter coffee), Tourtel (a fruity zero alcohol beer with no hope in hell of carving out even a slither of market share), and, blessedly, Orangina.
The Tour de France press room toilets
Like hell on Earth. Often seatless. Rarely equipped with paper of any description. Soap? Forget about it!
Tour de France start village
A cordoned-off area of the Tour de France start town for VIPs and media where you get to sample the wares of sponsors of the race. There is a food stand giving out undercooked chicken fingers and overcooked (but cold) French fries, and melting Haribo. There is a Senseo coffee stand with beautiful men and women staffing it, who in the cruel, dark depths of the Tour de France make you feel like you are worth something after all as they hand you your milky boi.
Nazi Pizza
Saint-Michel de Maurienne is home to a pizza establishment with thoroughly average pizza and a thoroughly fascist chef who has an iron cross tattoo on the back of his head. Bon Appetit! Caley and Iain only realised this about the pizza place as they were leaving and haven’t been back since.
Smells
Stinky King AKA Smelly King
A man dressed in 16th century garb, who travels with the Tour de France promoting the Bearn-Pyrenees region. Has three kingly outfits to wear for the entire month , which he is not allowed to wash. He rotates them every three days and says the smell is not a problem. We disagree. If you talk to him, he pretends to be in character as Henri IV the whole time. In real life he is an actor called Bernard and has been working at the Tour for 10 years. Has a family back home in Pau who think his job is funny.
The Gentlemen of the Press Room
To be fair to the gentlemen of the press room, personal hygiene probably hadn’t been invented when they first worked the Tour.
What did you think of this story?